Matt April 24th, 2008
Continuing in what an objective onlooker might reasonably believe to be a game of oneupmanship between CNN and the New York Post for most ridiculous titles, CNN momentarily takes the lead:
Not only that, but you can get it on a t-shirt too. Bonus points if you’re of the feminine persuasion and happen to weigh 176, though depending on your measurements you might not even be able to buy the shirt in your size. Shame, really.
Matt April 1st, 2008
Look, we both love Paula (anyone… er, almost anyone… that loves butter that much can’t be bad) but sometimes she makes it too easy to poke fun:
You just know that Paula only knows hunger in the abstract, never having experienced it herself. Word has it that mere minutes after this picture was taken there was nothing left on that table other than a greasy napkin and whatever that green thing on the plate is.
Matt December 7th, 2007
Ah, consumerism. How we love and loathe you. We don’t like to part with our hard earned monies, but oh how we love getting gifts - and I’m sure your loved ones, family, friends, acquaintances or mailman* loves getting gifts too. Here’s some recommendations for small gifts to finish up that one person on your list, stocking fillers to be thrown aside for bigger presents, or that nifty something that your secret santa giftee might actually appreciate.
First up, for the black-thumbed in your life, is a Thirsty Light. With one of these suckers all a person needs to keep their black thumb green is to have some eyesight and access to water; never underwater your plants again, this device let’s you know when your plants need some of that sweet, sweet mana - just don’t overwater because this device is good, it just isn’t that good (No miracles will be worked so don’t go expecting to feed a crowd with this piece of bread and thimble of wine.). And I know it says they’re sold out on the site but don’t give up! I’ve seen them in Target and you might find some at your local hardware store or nursery.
Next for the bacon lover (i.e. everyone) in your life: Uncle Oinker’s Gummy Bacon. I think they sell themselves, really.
Have a Big Lebowski fan in your life? Why not give them a gift they can really appreciate with a book appreciation of the fans and the movie itself: I’m a Lebowski, You’re a Lebowski: Life, The Big Lebowski, and What Have You. It’s full of interviews, trivia, behind-the-scenes talk and the real story of Donny. But that’s just, like, my opinion man.
And just because I’ve had this bookmarked forever and it makes me wish I smoked or had cigarettes on hand to really get use out of it, a smoking monkey. Really, who wouldn’t love it?
*We don’t give our mailman a gift, which is why I expect we’ve had to replace our mailbox five times in the past 3 years.
Rebecca November 26th, 2007
I don’t find tinsel distracting, but I sure do find the holiday season around the office annoying. The “Secret Santa” sign-up sheets were passed out today at work. I’ve participated in this ritual for nearly ten years now, patiently writing down four of my likes and dislikes in hopes that someone somewhere in this building will finally give me something I want. It’s all supposed to be in good fun, I know. The $15 cap on the total cost, the focus on small, homemade treats, the lack of pressure, it’s all perfectly fine with me. I don’t make any great demands. I’m really not that hard to shop for, people. However, in past years, my coworkers have been responsible for the following:
I wrote down “red wine” a few times. It resulted in boxes of Franzia White Zinfandel.
I’ve been given handfuls of jellybeans, bags of miniature Snickers, and licorice whips in response to my request for dark chocolate.
“No smelly stuff” is an annual suggestion because I have absurdly sensitive skin, but every year an amazing number of scented soaps, body wash, massage oil, bubble bath and glitter lotion (!) find their way onto my desk. Would you like a spare can of Mango-Magnolia Madness body spray? I’ve got two dozen.
Live Christmas trees, religious figurines, plastic reindeers that “poop” candy, trucker caps…argh! No more! This year I finally decided I’ve had enough–of getting a box of Lipton’s Constant Comment instead of English Breakfast–and told my coworkers I wasn’t going to take part. I didn’t say why, of course. I’m not that tactless. They may think I’m a little Grinch now, but it was either politely bow out or challenge this year’s Secret Santa to a wrestling match. You know, right after I discovered the five liter jug of Two Buck Chuck next to my monitor.
Matt November 21st, 2007
Even when we’re not talking about food, it seems like all roads lead back to food. Continuing on Rebecca’s post below, I have the perfect gift for your food-loving baking friends - or rather, Nigella does. These measuring cups are fantastic - I mean, just look at them. They’re available in three colors, from Bliss Home or Amazon and they look too perfect for words. In fact, with measuring cups like these, you might think twice about storing them away in the cupboard and instead leave them out on your counter for all to covet.
Rebecca November 21st, 2007
I love to hunt for wild mushrooms, but there are only two types I can identify with complete certainty: shaggy manes and morels. I’d like to add chanterelles to that list, but I’ve yet to find any here in Montana.
I took this picture of a fly Amanita while poking around in the woods on Cape Meares, Oregon. I was able to identify it because of a funky little mushroom guide I bought on my trip, All that the Rain Promises, and More. It’s full of oddball stories, recipes (like candy cap mushroom cookies), poems and mushroom trivia. It’s also very useful–if you know what I mean. A lot of guidebooks are nice to page through after you’ve unwrapped them on Christmas morning. However, take them out in the field and you won’t be able to distinguish between a white matsutake and a destroying angel until you’re on the waiting list for a liver transplant. Last year, Matt and I started our own holiday shopping guide during NaBloPoMo. Not to intrude on Maggie’s territory again, but David Arora’s little hip pocket guide is the perfect stocking stuffer for the ’shroomer in your family.
Matt April 6th, 2007
for a t-shirt, steal this idea and just send me the check:
cartoony plane, text reads “the power of christ propels me” - bonus if it’s a biplane and jesus is the pilot
Matt February 6th, 2007
¹ We’ve been a fan of John since hearing him on This American Life and wish him the best in whatever he does. You can download the audiobook version of his novel ‘The Areas of My Expertise’ here (iTunes link)
² I didn’t really have a good place to put this, but I love the fact that I’ve never been asked for a serial number when installing any Mac OS. None, zippo. I don’t know what the installation steps are for Vista but if they’re anything like XP? Barrels-o-fun.
³ Unless you’re used to PCs in which case the first question is inevitably ‘How do I right click?‘ - although the Mighty Mouse, which all new Macs ship with, should fix this problem.
Rebecca November 27th, 2006
Just in case you fall for the marketing of Chrismukkah this year (It probably won’t be as fashionable as it was in 2003, but who knows? Good marketing has overcome bigger obstacles in its path. See Hilton, Paris.), remember that its creators began their careers in popular culture with a far different celebration called Cyborgasm. So put that menorah and those advent calendars down. You can put the ho-ho-ho back in the holiday season in a explicity literal way.
Rebecca November 26th, 2006
If there’s a unifying theme here at sporky.net between my and Matt’s posts, it’s the love of food, cooking shows, cookbooks, and the cult of celebrity chefs. If you’re playing Santa to someone with an interest in all four you should get them a copy of Bill Buford’s Heat this holiday season. Heat is a highly entertaining (and oddly sexy, but that could just be sick-o me) read. It’s a behind-the-scenes look at Mario Batali, Marco Pierre White and the glorious combination of chaos, control and debauchery that rules their lives. It’s also the story of a home cook’s–Buford’s–journey from someone just like Matt and I (and maybe that person on your list), someone who makes a mess in the kitchen and suffers from regular culinary disasters to a competent individual who can do it all: bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and be the person who butchered that pig in the first place.
Matt November 25th, 2006
Have a foodie and/or cheese loving friend and find yourself stuck for gift giving ideas without the word “basket” in the title? Why not get them a cheesecake from the Nuns of New Skete? They may seem a bit pricey but these cheesecakes are like manufactured bricks of love - so thick and rich that more than a sliver will do you, plus you can store them in the freezer and take out a slice when you like. Available in Amaretto & Cream, Apple Walnut, Chocolate, Chocolate Amaretto, Deluxe (New York style, Lemon), Egg Nog, Irish Cream, Kahlua, Key Lime, Pumpkin, Raspberry, White Chocolate or a sampler, from $33.00-46.00 you just can’t go wrong.
Matt November 23rd, 2006
I logged in today at 1.50pm to camp out Amazon.com for 1 of 1000 XBOX 360s (for my brother) and what do I have to show for it? You guessed it: noda.
I really don’t get how a website like Amazon breaks down at a time like that. You would think that they would know that their servers would get slammed and planned accordingly. But did they? NO. 2.00 rolled around and the website was acting fine, but the deal hadn’t shown up on their page yet. Okay. So I waited. And waited. 2.06 comes around and still no deal. WTF? 2.08 and I refresh and… nothing. No page at all would load.
Well screw you Amazon. If I wanted to sit around hoping for a page to load I’d go visit Woot.
Matt November 22nd, 2006
What? No, we’re not doing work on the side for Mighty Goods, however that doesn’t mean we don’t know a good gift when we see it.
And do you know what is possibly the greatest gift to give your comedy loving friend or family member this year? None other than the complete Kids in the Hall Megaset. And what if they’ve never heard of KITH, you ask? Well, this is a good way to get them acquainted! I’ll let Amazon.com’s synopsis do the talking for me on why I think this series is worth anyone’s shelf space:
The Kids in the Hall are a sketch comedy troupe, set apart by their cross-dressing antics and seemingly infinite supply of unique characters. Although writer Paul Bellini, various extras, and sometimes even an actual woman appear in the sketches, for the most part, the five main cast members portray every single character themselves. Recurring characters range from the harried corporate executive Danny Husk to Queen Elizabeth, from alienated teen rocker Bobby Tarrance to gay bar owner Buddy Cole, from occult TV show host Simon and his sidekick Hecubus to the gossiping corporate secretaries Cathy and Kathy, and an endless parade of others.
Here are a few links to some of my favorite sketches.
